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The Day Everything Went Sideways: Why Your Crisis Plan is Probably Rubbish
Most crisis plans are about as useful as a chocolate teapot when the real thing hits.
I learnt this the hard way during the Brisbane floods of 2011. While other companies scrambled like headless chooks, we sailed through because we'd actually thought about what could go wrong - properly. Not just the sanitised "business continuity workshop" version that most consultants peddle, but the real messy stuff that happens when Karen from HR is stuck at home with sick kids and the server room is underwater.
After seventeen years helping businesses navigate everything from cyber attacks to natural disasters, I've seen more botched crisis responses than I care to count. The problem isn't that companies don't have plans - it's that they have terrible ones.
Here's my controversial take: most workplace crisis planning is complete theatre.
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Companies spend thousands on glossy documents that assume perfect conditions, rational behaviour, and technology that actually works when you need it most. Reality check: none of that happens during a real crisis.
Let me tell you what actually works, based on watching businesses either thrive or dive when the proverbial hits the fan.
The Fatal Flaw in Traditional Crisis Planning
Traditional crisis planning assumes people will behave like robots. They won't.
During the 2020 lockdowns, I watched a Melbourne manufacturing company's "comprehensive" crisis plan fall apart in forty-eight hours. Why? Because it relied entirely on their IT manager being available to manage the transition to remote work. Guess who was one of the first to get COVID?
The plan had seventeen pages dedicated to "communication protocols" but zero consideration for what happens when your key people are unavailable. That's not planning - that's wishful thinking with fancy formatting.
Real crisis planning acknowledges that Murphy's Law doesn't just apply - it multiplies. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong, simultaneously, at the worst possible moment.
What Actually Matters When Everything's Burning
Forget the flowcharts. When crisis hits, you need three things: redundancy, simplicity, and someone who can make decisions fast.
I've seen companies survive disasters with nothing more than a phone tree and clear decision-making authority. Meanwhile, organisations with ISO-certified crisis management frameworks have crumbled because nobody could reach the "crisis committee" to approve buying extra laptops.
The best crisis plan I ever saw was two pages long. Two pages! It identified who makes decisions (three people, any one of them), how to communicate with staff (multiple channels, assume primary ones will fail), and what resources they absolutely needed to keep operating (surprisingly few).
Compare that to the forty-seven page monstrosity I reviewed last month that required sign-off from five different managers just to order lunch for stranded employees.
The Human Element Nobody Talks About
Here's what the crisis planning manuals don't tell you: your biggest challenge won't be technical - it'll be emotional.
I remember consulting for a Perth mining company during their safety crisis. The technical response was flawless. Equipment worked, procedures were followed, communications went out on schedule. But staff morale collapsed because leadership was so focused on following the plan they forgot to show they actually cared about their people.
People don't just need information during a crisis - they need reassurance, clarity, and someone who admits they don't have all the answers yet. The companies that handle crises well understand this. They over-communicate, acknowledge uncertainty, and make decisions based on protecting people first, profits second.
The Technology Trap
Every second crisis plan I review these days assumes perfect digital connectivity. What happens when the internet goes down? When the cloud service provider has their own outage? When half your staff can't access the company app because their personal devices are ancient?
Smart companies plan for analog solutions. Paper lists. Landline phones. Physical meeting points. I know it sounds old-fashioned, but when Telstra's network went down across half of Queensland last year, guess which companies kept operating?
The ones that remembered people managed businesses for centuries before Slack existed.
Why Small Businesses Often Beat Corporates
Smaller businesses frequently handle crises better than their larger counterparts. Not because they're better prepared - often they're less prepared - but because they're more adaptable.
When a small Adelaide advertising agency I worked with lost their office to fire, they were operating from the owner's garage within hours. No committees, no approval processes, no eighteen-page facility procurement protocols. Just common sense and the authority to act quickly.
Large organisations struggle with this because they've optimised for efficiency during normal times, not effectiveness during chaos. Crisis planning often makes this worse by adding more processes when what's needed is fewer.
The Real Questions You Should Be Asking
Stop asking "what could go wrong?" Start asking "what do we absolutely need to keep going?" The difference is crucial.
Most crisis plans try to prepare for everything. Better plans focus on protecting the few things that actually matter. For most businesses, that's customer data, key relationships, and the ability to deliver something to market. Everything else is optional.
I worked with a Brisbane software company that realised their entire operation could run from three laptops and a mobile hotspot. Their crisis plan wasn't about maintaining their fancy office - it was about making sure those three laptops were always backed up and ready to go.
Testing: The Part Everyone Skips
Having a plan is worthless if you never test it. And I don't mean the sanitised "tabletop exercise" where everyone sits around discussing hypotheticals while drinking coffee.
I mean actually pulling the fire alarm during busy periods. Cutting the internet for half a day. Telling your key people they're "unavailable" for a week and seeing what happens. Real testing reveals real problems.
One client discovered their "backup communication system" required a password nobody had written down. Another found their offsite data backup hadn't actually been backing up for six months. These aren't edge cases - they're typical.
The Australian Advantage
Australians have a natural advantage in crisis management that many other cultures lack: we expect things to go wrong. Bushfires, floods, cyclones, drop bears - we're used to adapting.
The problem is when we let corporate culture override this instinct. When we start believing that processes and procedures can prevent chaos rather than help us navigate it.
The best Australian crisis managers I know combine thorough preparation with the flexibility to throw the plan out the window when reality intervenes. They prepare for the worst but aren't surprised when something worse happens.
What Your Crisis Plan Actually Needs
Forget the templates. Your crisis plan needs five elements:
Clear decision-making authority. Not committees - individuals who can act immediately. Make sure everyone knows who these people are and how to reach them through multiple channels.
Communication redundancy. Email, phone, SMS, social media, and at least one analog backup. Test them all regularly because Murphy's Law applies especially to communication systems.
Resource inventory. What do you absolutely need to keep operating? Where is it? How do you access it if normal methods fail? Physical keys, not just digital passwords.
Staff welfare procedures. How do you check if people are safe? How do you support them if they're not? This isn't just humanitarian - scared, uncertain employees make poor decisions.
Recovery priorities. When you can start rebuilding, what comes first? Don't leave this to committee decisions during the crisis.
The Bottom Line
Crisis planning isn't about preventing disasters - it's about maintaining the ability to function when they happen.
The companies that survive and thrive through crises aren't the ones with the most comprehensive plans. They're the ones that understand the difference between being prepared and being rigid. They plan for uncertainty, not certainty.
Your crisis plan should be a framework for decision-making, not a script for perfect execution. Because when everything goes sideways - and it will - you'll need to think, not just follow instructions.
And if your current crisis plan assumes everything will work as designed, you don't have a crisis plan. You have expensive fiction.
Additional Resources: Check out Succession Planning for building resilient leadership structures that can weather any storm.